Following the advice of our TNC team, this week I took on 80’s classic, Die Hard, with fresh eyes and little else (Bruce Willis. Alan Rickman. The extent of my preparation.). To say it was a crazy ride would be an understatement but here are some of my notes from the experience:

    • Are planes supposed to sound like that when they land?
    • Giant bear = girl magnet. May also be the best carry-on luggage ever.

    die hard1

    • If any one touches one piece of that bear’s stuffing…
    • Violin music. This got serious.
    • The crowd’s cheers do not sound like the cheers of adult, business people.
    • Turn him down, Bonnie Bedelia (Also, yes to Bonnie Bedelia being in this movie.).

    die hard 2die hard 3

    • Talking to my photo shrine…
    • Says the guy [Bruce] just making eyes at the flight attendant. Sanctity of marriage, pft.
    • Cool shades, Argyle, but your name requires a more bold outfit.
    • I want a car that plays VHS.
    • Concede grudgingly  to the Christmas music classification.
    • Leaving the bear in the car was his first mistake.
    • Which is better: violins or Argyle’s music?
    • Worst cover for drugs ever.

    die hard 4

    • “Guess didn’t miss my name.” Think I know what died hard. Should’ve bought the bear. Women like you with the bear.
    • No one knows how to knock in California.
    • Like the self-acknowledgement of mistakes in the mirror, at least.
    • It’s a hockey puck, it’s a bird, it’s a bomb!

    die hard 5die hard 6

    • Alan Rickman!
    • Humming while you work…
    • Dramatic card swipe, followed by “wheeee!” stair case.
    • “Miss you” note sets off clear “I’m not around” alarm bells.
    • Blond German race: chainsaw or wires? Who will win?
    • See, California girl saved you. Grateful for desk sex.
    • Bible? No, it’s speech time

    die hard 8die hard 10

    • *On my days off I like to be a model, so I don’t zip up my shirt. Of course I use hair conditioner.*
    • Christmas tree in construction zone? Appreciate dedication to the holiday spirit, but really?
    • Humming gang, take 2
    • Benefits of knowing classical lit: able to quote Shakespeare during a hold-up. Check.
    • Aha, “the hard way.” It all becomes clear now.die hard 9die hard 11
    • Very Terminator. Going to college with that messenger bag?
    • Setting back construction by weeks. Think of the little guy.
    • You got blood stains on his wife beater.
    • One tattoo on Bruce’s arm is code for “bada**”
    • Goggles, meet face shield and glasses. Eye safety held with highly regard in this movie.
    • At least close the dead man’s eyes before you make a supply run.
    • Santa causes everyone to smile, I guess.

    die hard 12

    • “So he won’t be joining us for the rest of his life.” Ha!
    • That is not what Santa wanted
    • Brother = not good. Blood revenge.
    • Hit list, Arya style. Plus, Sharpie

    die hard 13

    • If you don’t like airplanes, try elevator coasting. Natural progression.
    • Opening there was way too convenient.
    • “I want blood.” Called it.
    • Guilt trip for the holidays, curtesy of 24 hr mart.
    • Watch out for Karl.
    • Really? Boobs at a time like this? Respectable establishment.
    • Belt as rope, McGyver-style.
    • Insubordination! Radio’s off. Karl’s gone rogue.
    • One guy reminds me of Bob from Twin Peaks. The hair.

    die hard 7die hard 14

    • Air shaft makes wife beater uniformly change color? Quizzical.
    • Why didn’t he smash a window when the cop was outside, rather than in?
    • Haha. Al not remembering lyrics. Not a Christmas music movie.
    • “Turning my car into Swiss cheese.” Always good to specify what kind of cheese. Not provolone!
    • “Inconvenient” timing Rickman is—was—the best.
    • Smoking PSA, undercut by smoking.
    • “Just a pain in the ass.”
    • Why even look at the picture, Bonnie? Alan Rickman can follow an eye line (though nice set-up from earlier).
    • So why did Argyle switch parking spaces?
    • So basically his catchphrase is to add “MF” to things? Like “Holy MF, Batman!”
    • Explosion seems a little unpredictable, in how would damage building (not because of the building itself—just, you know, the people inside it)
    • All the terrorists drink Coca Cola.

    die hard 15

    • Thought for sure Ellis was going to spill wife’s name, when knew he was going to die. Not Doctor Who. No save everyone.
    • Nice cover, Hans. Thought would have more of an ego, to prevent changing id. Not sure about the accent but made me doubt myself.
    • Directory too convenient, and did Bruce Willis figure out Hans was lying or not?
    • Barefoot. Glass. Clever.
    • Karl has trouble expressing his feelings so sometimes he breaks stuff.
    • “Rather be in Philadelphia.” What’s in Philly, NY cop?
    • Prediction: Al not having shot anyone is going to come up again. Will have to shoot to save.
    • <3 Old Lang Syne for bad guys’ victory anthem. Real Christmas music.
    • So Hans is working for a higher-up and only gets 20%? How was this worth it?.
    • When did he lose his wife beater? Why is he shirtless?
    • No. Karl is not alive. Even showed him hanging when hostages were running. This is not real!

    die hard 16die hard 17

    • Al’s hero moment choreographed but still awesome.
    • Where is the teddy bear? No longer in the back seat.

    die hard 18

    Final Take from Die Hard: Karl is immortal. The teddy bear is a loose end. Argyle made out well, on his first day of limo driving. And every marriage can be saved by a near death experience. And Christmas.


    Rachel Bellwoar
    Fueled by Coca Cola ICEEs, Rachel Bellwoar collects TV seasons, reads comics, and tries to put her enthusiasm into words. She also shares the same initials (and first name) as Emmy winner, Rachel Bloom. If that brings her one step closer to being a triceratops in a ballet (please watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend), she'll take it. Contact: rachel.bellwoar@thatsnotcurrent.com

      You may also like

      More in Movies