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    Racy Reels From The Something Weird Vault Volume 1: Cries of Ecstasy, Blows of Death (1973)/Invasion of the Love Drones (1977)

    Alternative Cinema and Something Weird have formed a putrid partnership to present to us perverts discerning cinema lovers a fist-full of hot, sleazy, sexploitation flicks spread (eagle) across multiple Blu-rays and DVDs! Let’s begin with Volume One of this sordid affair (‘natch)…and the first film up is:

    Cries of Ecstasy, Blows of Death: In a post-apocalyptic world, bands of bikers get they non-consensual sex on with anything female they encounter. Standing up to them are some bow and arrow toting, inflatable bubble home livin’, gold bathrobe wearing dudes who are lousy shots. What follows is a film jam packed with softcore lesbian trysts (that last roughly four million hours…approx.), people who wear gas masks to protect themselves from the poison atmosphere yet take them off every other second, hairstyles that are Straight Outta Whoville, and chess…wait, what? At least that doesn’t have well placed hands and legs getting in the way of the action…such as it is. Okay, there is one other thing featured in this film that kinda blew my mind…how do I put it mildly…this is a ’70’s sex film that didn’t feature every crotch adorned with a mushroom cloud sized tuft of pubes…like some one bought a few of these girls a Gillette, capiche? There is also kung-fu.

    Cries of Ecstasy, Blows of Death was a good time, once you slog through the filler…namely the sex (which is odd, since that is what folks paid to see). What I’m getting at is, this was a cool, pre-Mad Max post-apocalyptic flick with some interesting design choices, a psychotronic soundtrack, random martial arts, and good looking ladies…it could have been a decent enough non-sex feature in my opinion.

    I’m gonna give ol’ Cries:

    Moving on we have:

    Invasion of the Love Drones: A dude steps into his bathroom in jolly ol’ Manhattan towne and finds himself transported onto a cockship (like a spaceship, but shaped like a cock…) hovering above the Earth. Once aboard naked disco chicks dance to opera before boning our hero. He returns home, screws his girlfriend, and reveals that he isn’t our hero after all, rather he’s a horny grey/robot hybrid…I can’t even believe I’m typing this…

    The alien then walks among mortal men, takes part in sex research, becomes the subject of an investigation by a spy bureau (I just…yeah…). Soon, more sex aliens are deployed, much more sex is had, and a women destroys a missle with her orgasm.

    Invasion of the Love Drones is as silly as it is flat-out, batshit insane. The narrative has a ton of things happening in it; from sex aliens, to spy groups, to world wide calamity…and all of it works in it’s own surreal, charming, and ultra-stylized way. The look of the aliens, especially the “Queen” is wonderfully absurd, and the whole thing is infinitely watchable.

    I give Invasion:

    Along with the entertaining feature films, Alternative Cinema also gives us some bonus content including: a booklet containing an essay by film critic Jeremy Richey, trailers for all films in both Racy Reels collections, and a bonus feature Double D Experiment…let’s take a look at that, shall we?

    Double D Experiment: A man discovers that a scientist is conducting experiments that result in the creation of busty women. Sex ensues.

    While not as complete a feature as the other two offerings on this release, Double D Experiment is an innocuous enough of a sex romp. It definitely isn’t strong enough to stand on it’s own as a feature on one of these collections, but as a freebie it’s fun…plus, the miniature of the scientist’s house (and the angels???) has to be seen to be believed!

    Now, we aren’t done with our sexiful fun by a damn sight, ‘cuz here cums:

    Racy Reels From The Something Weird Vault Volume 2: Female Chauvinists (1976)/Hot Connections (1973)

    Kickin’ off our next foray into the unexplored deep bush we arrive at:

    Female Chauvinists: A militant group of rampaging feminists (who are lesbians to boot…oh ’70’s you scamp!) is on the warpath and looking for new recruits. One such recruit (with a hidden agenda of her own) manages to get her boyfriend hired as a handyman (he of course poses as a severely mentally handicapped bloke). Well, the ladies of course all take their “turns” with our horny handyman, proving they might not all be as sapphic as originally advertised. Along the way, our ol’ friend softcore lesbian action makes it’s glorious return, along with heavily satiric jabs at ’70’s feminism, a blowie or five (not simulated), and some full penetration here or there.

    Female Chauvinists is a great time capsule of some of the attitudes present in the 1970’s socio-political climate, and it relies a lot more on actual sex than the film’s in the first volume…and there are some truly funny moments here and there, but overall I felt this one was lacking a bit without the sci-fi overtones that permeated the flicks reviewed above.

    I give Female Chauvinists:

    Next up:

    Hot Connections: After a switch board operator (hahaha…ye olden times) at a phone company gets pregnant from her horny A.F. boss then is quickly given the bum’s rush, the female employees and wives of the men that work there form a feminist militia (who engage in..now get this; softcore lesbian sex, target practice, karate, and semi-nude hot dog eating…wait, what the fuuuuuu?!!) who’s goal is to take the boss down and get their preggers friend re-hired! Who will survive, and what will be left of them? Also, James ‘mother fuckin’ Lo-Pan’ Hong shows up for a hot second.

    Featuring less full-on sex than the previous film, and with a slightly less hard satirical feminist edge, Hot Connections is an entertaining flick with some fun down and dirty double dealing going on, but again; with out those sci-fi elements of the previous volume, it just lacked that extra push to make it truly memorable.

    As with Female ChauvinistsHot Connections gets:

    As for extras on this release, you get the same trailers from the previous collection, as well as a ‘loop’ reel from ubiquitous star, the ultra-buxom Uschi Digard.

    Pound for pound, both volumes of the Racy Reels offer plenty of bang for your buck; but if I had to choose just one to purchase, Volume 1 gets my vote!

    Oh, you thought our load was spent? Not even close, ‘cuz cummin’ up next we have:

    Deep Throat Part II Collection

    Unlike the previous skin flicks we’ve looked at, the following 2 disc Blu-ray release is comprised entirely of the works of one man; Director Joe Sarno, who deftly blended laughs and titillation in his pictures. To that end let’s take a look at:

    Deep Throat II (1974): Linda Lovelace returns as Nurse Linda who just so happens to work in a sex therapist’s office. As fate would have it, one of the patients at the practice just so happens to have information concerning a top secret government computer. After various scenes of softcore sex-foolery, Linda finds herself trapped between both FBI and KGB agents who are desperate to get the down-low on that magnificent machine!

    In a truly baffling move, Deep Throat II, the sequel to the most successful and well-known porno flick of the early seventies, is a softcore, R-rated broad comedic farce, that just so happens to have some boobs thrown in. I found the film fun and entertaining enough, but I can scarcely imagine how audiences of the time must have felt to see this rather chaste follow up to such a hardcore hit.

    Included along with the film is a fantastic commentary track featuring Pop Cinema Founder Michael Raso and Actor  Rick Livermore that details the film’s production in a lively and engaging fashion…a great conversation all around. Also included is an archival interview with Sarno that sheds some light on how the film was put together as a softcore flick, and the film’s trailer.

    All in all the film is enjoyable, and that commentary really sells the release. I give Deep Throat II:

    Next up is:

    Pandora and the Magic Box (1965): Theseus gets a wild hair up his ass to locate the rightful ruler of Greece. This goes over with King Minos like a fart in a submarine so he sends out bosomy Pandora to put a lil’ halt to the mission. Along the way, Zeus gives Theseus a box of trouble (yeah, you cats know the one) and before long things reach mythic proportions (even more so than Pandora’s measurements), but not before more ha-ha’s are bandied about than you’d find in a hundred Borscht Belt comedy shows.

    Pandora and the Magic Box is an absolutely insane blend of Greek mythology, corny vaudeville humor, and burlesque T&A (it’s all sheer gowns and pasties in this one folks)…all played out on sets that have a serious case of the cheaps…I of course absolutely loved it! The dated humor, well worn tales of yore, and charmingly racy routines is exactly the type of fare that would have aired at 3 A.M. on one of the small regional stations I watched with wild abandon in my misspent youth (in other words it made me all nostalgic-like yet I’d never laid my putrid peepers upon it before)!

    As for extras, only a teaser for the film is included…but the feature on it’s own is rad-ass awesome enough to get:

    On to Disc 2, we have:

    A Touch of Genie (1974): Melvin Finklefarb works a shitty job in a small Manhattan shop under the domineering thumb of his mother. His only escape is sneaking out and hiding in porno theaters…which is fortuitous as one day, on just such an excursion, he finds a genie’s lamp. The comely genie offers Finklefarb 5 wishes (instead of the normal 3), which he uses to become his fav actors in the porn he watches on the regular. The only thing that stands in the way of this being the ultimate wish fulfillment is of course Melvin’s Mom…

    Much like the previous feature Pandora and the Magic BoxA Touch of Genie mixes Borscht Belt nonsense along with sexy-time thrills. It’s a fun lil’ bit of softcore fluff, that’s heavy on laughs as well as female flesh, and is an entertaining, corny romp (if a bit stereotypical at times).

    As for extras, only the film’s trailer is present.

    A Touch of Genie gets:

    Also included on the Deep Throat Part II Collection are: a bonus feature film titled The Switch (a fun take on the Jekyll and Hyde bag where a nerd-ass scientist becomes a femme fatale via “science”…it’s typical Sarno fun, but the loopy subtitles that you can’t turn off prove to be a distraction…but, “free film”, so yay!), an interview with Sarno regarding his thoughts on comedy, an interview with Genie star Douglas Stone, a brief look at a screening of Genie from 2007, and an interview with Sarno specifically about The Switch.

    Well, my load is officially blown, so I’m outta here…be sure to check these releases out, and tell ’em XIII sent ya!

    Daniel XIII
    Daniel XIII; the result of an arcane ritual involving a King Diamond album, a box of Count Chocula, and a copy of Swank magazine, is a screenwriter, actor, artist, and reviewer of fright flicks…Who hates ya baby?

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