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    BATPUSSY (197?…that’s actually how it appears on the packaging for the film…)

    Batpussy begins the only way it could, with an obviously drunk dude reading a porno mag (which for the record is more of a newspaper than a magazine, but as you may guess, a film with the title of Batpussy isn’t going to be concentrating on the minutiae), while his gal pal, who just appears to be winging it, and by “it” I mean “life”…she seriously just reads her lines with a look on her face that reads “Well, guess I’m in a porno now…do I want tuna or egg salad for lunch?”. Anyway, the couple, Buddy and Sam for the record, get it on in a way that can only be described as extremely F’n awkward, highlighted by some sort of half mumbled mention of infidelity from Sam, and Buddy rambling on about doing it like the pictures in the magazine (seriously, he’s obsessed with this on a level bordering on mania), all with thick Southern accents punctuated by the sounds of the crew dropping shit in the background (also the actor “playing” Buddy appears to be having a hard time getting in the mood…well, maybe “hard” is the wrong word to use).

    Cut to Dora Dildo sitting in her secret headquarters waiting for her genitals to tingle alerting her that her alter-ego, Batpussy is needed (take a drink every time this lass mentions “Batpussy” or “Gothum”). Well, she gets the itch (that may not be the “warning sign” she is anticipating), and she suits up and bounces across the countryside on her “Holy Hippity-Hop” stopping a rape along the way, as you do. Meanwhile, Buddy and Sam do more arguing than screwing (with some of the most screamingly hilarious dialog you have ever heard, punctuated by frequent usages of the word “sheeeee-it”) and eventually Batpussy shows up and then…well, you can guess what goes on (pay attention to how many times Buddy calls Batpussy by the name BatWoman, and the scene where Batpussy sustains an injury falling of a bed). Also of note, a woman’s genitals is referred to as a “warsh tub”…this F’n movie…

    As jaw dropping as the actual film is, there are a multitude of bonus features present to sweeten the ol’ honey pot! First up we have an audio commentary with Lisa Petrucci and Tim Lewis of Something Weird that details how the film (a 2K print from the only surviving 16mm print presented warts and all) was preserved and brought to Blu-ray and speculation on how the film was created as it’s actual origins have been lost to time. It’s a fun and fascinating listen, and worth the price of admission alone! Also included are some unrelated short subjects (covering everything from dating tips to shoplifting to visiting a porno theater are covered…and inexplicably enough, the last one features a werewolf having sex). Following that are a series of sleaze crime and smut trailers from the something Weird vaults. Bringing up the rear is another full feature sex flick; Robot Love Slaves! RLS details the erotic adventures of a scientist who creates sexbots…it’s also the only time in recorded history that some dude gets a blowie set to a muzak versions of Hey Jude and What A Wonderful World of all things…

    Look, outrageously un-titilating sex and the barest p.h. of a parody theme aren’t going to appeal to everyone, but if you like laughing until your sides split; this is the film for you, and the bonus content only make it that much more of a can’t miss for lovers of absolute trash cinema!

    The Violent Years (1956)

    Paula is a good girl; pretty, privileged, the leader of an all girl delinquent gang that enjoys stealin’ shit and raping dudes (that’s a new one…not since Too Close For Comfort my fiends)…you know, typical girl next door material. Anyway, ol’ Paula and her pals drive around causing all sorts of hellacious mayhem (and looking damn good while they do it too), some of which is at the behest of a female criminal mastermind (and thinly veiled communist). Complicating matters is the fact that Paula’s Father is on the police force and actively investigating the recent spat of juvenile delinquent crime…oh, and the fact that Paula’s gang shoots a cop (and loses a member to a bullet in the process) doesn’t help things either.  Before all is through; a baby becomes involved, there’s a jail that is apparently 1,000 feet in the sky, parental guilt runs rampant, and everything ends in a quagmire of absolute tragedy. Family fun for everyone!

    The Violent Years is ham-fisted, completely clueless of the actual problems and causes of juvenile crime, and presented so stoically that it immediately becomes a parody of itself. Adding and abetting the off-kilter tone of the film is the script by cinematic genius (and no, i’m not kidding…he’s a huge hero of mine) Edward D. Wood Jr. who delivers his usual patented surreal dialog (and why he didn’t direct this is anyone’s guess…which is discussed in the included audio commentary, but more on that in just a bit). But, all that being said, The Violent Years is insanely entertaining as we watch Paula and her friends form the most improbable crime gang in cinematic history, then meet ends that would make Shakespeare blush.

    As downright fun as The Violent Years is, the extras included here may be even better (much like Batpussy up yonder). Kicking things off we get a hilarious, anecdote commentary by exploitation director Frank Henenlotter and Ed Wood biographer Rudolph Grey. These guys are a riot to listen to as they go from engaged and excited to watch the film to completely bored and exhausted with it by the end. Following that we get the film’s trailer (plus a collection of other sleazy crime flicks from the something Weird vaults), and a collection of scenes from an unfinished Wood film titled Hellions. Finally we get a second J.D. flick, Anatomy of a Psycho, which concerns a male gang trying to clear the name of one of it’s members.

    If you love Ed Wood and all the lunacy that entails (or dig on juvenile delinquent flicks) this one is a can’t miss, especially with the commentary and sequences from Wood’s lost film. The dialog and drama are amped up to the nines, and a howling good time is guaranteed!

    Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! (2017)

    Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! opens with a soldier being captured and tortured in the Middle East before abruptly switching gears to show us a concert in progress by some female rockers. After the show, one of our hard rockin’ heroines cries rape after her boyfriend gets a tad too amorous. Well, it’s our now crippled veteran to the rescue…and least he would be if said boyfriend didn’t kick his ass six ways to Sunday, which as you may guess was a huge F’m error in judgment. You see, the vicious vet has a master plan, and soon he gasses the band and imprisons them in his house of horrors where they must traverse various rooms by murdering their brethren.

    While Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! isn’t the most original fright flick on the block, it’s certainly filmed, acted, and written well above the average for lower budget hack n’ slash features. Everything is presented in garish, carnival colors splashed with decent gore (nothing amazing or over-the-top, but what’s there is well done) and inventive reasons for the mayhem to ensue. Also of note, the deformed vet is a nice visual standout with his scared face hidden beneath filthy bandages, and his ghoulish minions are nicely realized as well. There’s also a welcome tongue-in-cheek black humor present that definitely makes the whole affair palatable where it could have just been another tedious exercise in torture porn.

    The negatives have been mentioned previous; the trope of a gang of hapless characters trapped in an environment of murder and chaos controlled by a seemingly omnipotent mastermind is an old one (dating as far back as moldy oldie fare such as The Most Dangerous Game), and Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! doesn’t exactly try and break the mold with what it presents. This is all fine, as what it does present is entertaining, but a few twists and turns wouldn’t have hurt either.

    so, the film is decent enough,but what of the bonus content? Well I’m glad you asked (and even if you didn’t I’m going to tell you about it anyway)! Starting things off we get a making of featurette, a piece about the fictional band in the film, an interview with writer/director Jared Cohn, another ‘making of’ piece that focuses on the cast and crews thoughts on the plot, and a collection of video diaries. Following that comes a slideshow, two music videos, and the film’s trailer. Definitely not a bad haul by any means!

    If you are looking for a well produced alternative to the Saw films and their ilk, Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! is definitely the film for you! It’s surreal, fun, and fast paced with all of the girls and gore the stalk n’ slay genre is famous for.

    The Sword and the Claw (1975)

    The Sword and the Claw begins with a massive brawl between two armies in ancient Turkey (and I’m talkin’ about the country, not the Thanksgiving leftovers that still lurk in the darkest recesses of your refrigerator). Before you can say “stock footage” we switch to some blood drenched hoo-hah about the King being assassinated (all set to the most whimsical-ass music that has ever assaulted your eerie ear holes) and his infant son being sprinted away to eventually be raised by…lions?!! What the hmmmm fuck now??? Anyway, the boy grows up among the pride (some stock footage, some actual human child/lion interaction to ensure this production would never be insured anywhere else in the world) becoming a Tarzan/Conan hybrid with a unique fighting style where he can claw people to death (while also doing amaze balls shit like lifting trees straight up from the ground and hucking them at people). Soon the Lion Man returns to challenge the new King and his army as much grappling, forward rolls, mud based healing (…the hell?), leaps that are in no way aided by trampolines just off camera, and a pair of janky steel lion’s claws ensue (which come and go during the aforementioned gymnastics).

    The Sword and the Claw is a fun one for sure, with it’s costuming resembling classic sword and sandal epics from Italy, it’s splashes of tempera paint hued blood, absurd flippin’ and flyin’ and those crazy claws it’s like a comic book come to life! There’s also no shortage of over-the-top dastardly villains, beautiful babes, and some of the most off-kilter dubbing choices I have heard in a damn sight!

    As fun as The Sword and the Claw is, the extras are rather light on this release, with a collection of action flick trailers from the AGFA vaults being the only bonus feature. There is however a second feature included on the disc; 1981’s The Brawl Busters (featuring the outrageously named Black Jack Chan). It’s a fairly standard period set kung-fu revenge picture (this time with a woman doling out the punishment), but some of the dubbed dialog really “kicks” things up a notch…and a ninja shows up, so you know that earned massive bonus points from me!

    The Sword and the Claw stands as both a fun introduction to the wacked-out world of wild n’ woolly Turkish cinema, and as a solid sword and sandals affair (with a dash of Tarzan for the shit of it). Give it a shot if you want to throw your brain into park and enjoy some bloody high adventure!

    One Million B.C. (1940)

    If you’re like me (and Dagon help you if you are), you oft times find your mind wandering to that ages old question that scholars have debated for centuries: “What if Romeo and Juliet had some dinosaurs up in that piece?” Well my high thinking fiend, do I ever have an answer for you!

    One Million B.C. begins with a professor (sporting a phoney-baloney beard you just have to slap eerie eyeballs on to believe) lecturing some O.G. Bavarian Muv Fuckahs about what life was like for prehistoric man…and from what he says, he obviously received his anthropology degree from Cracker Jack University.com. because it’s a yarn replete with cavemen, dinosaurs, woolly mammoths…and sweet, sweet love. Long story short; barrel chested Tumak (Victor Mature) gets ousted from the Rock Tribe, floats down the river like a knuckle-draggin’ Moses and finds himself among the Shell Tribe; a more advanced, peaceful lot. Before you can say “Yabba Dabba goddamned Doo” our boy T falls head over hairy heels for the Shell Tribe chieftain’s daughter Loana (Carole Landis). This goes over like a fart in a submarine with Tumak’s dad (Lon Chaney Jr.), the leader of the Rock Tribe. Will Tumak unite the tribes? Will those real lizards standing in as dinosaurs go apeshit from the glue holding their fins on and tear each other to pieces? Will that ominous volcano spell the end for both tribes?

    One Million B.C. is a damn fine action yarn from the Hollywood’s Golden Age. While the science may be dodgy, the high adventure element is dialed up so far that the flick enters fantasy territory immediately; and what a fantasy world it is! Mastodons cavort in lands occupied by warring dinosaurs, expert matte paintings and minature present a savage land that would do Frazetta proud, and ‘stagey’ sets give the environments a surreal flair. Also of not is the acting, especially by the film’s leads. Utilizing only nonsense words and pantomime, the cast is able to convey a full range of emotions and generate audience understanding and sympathy…no easy feat!

    As for the negatives, those entering this picture expecting it to feature fantastic creature effects like those utilized on it’s more well known re-make (1966’s One Million Years B.C., featuring breathtaking stop-motion animated creatures created by the legendary Ray Harryhausen) will be left wanting. Real animals made to look huge by photographic trickery, and various costuming accessories are the order of the day (and some groovy,yet threadbare, man-in-suit action) are the order of the day…but the projection techniques that place the actors in the scene with these beasts is really top-notch…so there’s lemonade from those lemons after all!

    As for extras on this release things are on the light side. Besides the fantastic transfer utilized, we get a photo gallery and an informative audio commentary by film historian Toby Roan…and that’s all she wrote.

    If you are a fan of One Million Years B.C., or flicks like The Land Time Forgot, The People Time Forgot or even Yor: The Hunter From the Future, this flick will absolutely float your beastly boat; it’s fun, filled with action and great visuals, and presents a heightened, imaginative world that’s sure to please lovers of barbaric pulp fantasy!

    Daniel XIII
    Daniel XIII; the result of an arcane ritual involving a King Diamond album, a box of Count Chocula, and a copy of Swank magazine, is a screenwriter, actor, artist, and reviewer of fright flicks…Who hates ya baby?

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