Latest posts by Kieran Fisher (see all)
- Comic Book Artist Scott Hampton Discusses ‘American Gods’ - 14th March 2018
- It’s Been 20 Years in the Making, But Nic Cage Finally Gets to Play Superman This Summer - 13th March 2018
- Why Do Vídeo Game Movies Suck? - 11th March 2018
With Hey, Hollywood, the TNC staff will address ideas, thoughts, and concerns pertaining to the movie business. Whether that’s commenting on a topical issue or trend, or pitching ideas into thin air hoping in the hope that someone in a position of power takes it on board. This column aims to start a conversation and give readers some fun thoughts to ponder. Sometimes it’ll be serious, other times it’ll be silly.
As someone who paid money to start an entertainment website with friends, I sometimes like to pretend that my voice matters in the endless sea of opinions which float around in pop culture discourse. Right now I currently have two reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, and while they’re irrelevant and not going to pay off my student loans any time soon, I like to pretend that they give me lots of clout. The reality is that I have no clout and I’m still a nobody on Film Twitter, but my ego is so inflated that it’s expanded to believe that Hollywood is listening to everything I say — and that’s the purpose behind this new column.
If you watch a lot of movies, then chances are they’ve sparked your imagination and had you contemplating what you’d do differently if you had the chance. Sometimes your imagination even enables you to come up with brand new ideas. As someone who spends a lot of his adult life watching movies featuring monsters, creatures, ghosts, and other non-human entities, along with action films and crime sagas, my daydreaming has often consisted of plots which merge all of these genre elements in peculiar ways. I personally feel that the motivations behind strange creatures could be spiced up some, besides their predictable desire to haunt, kill, or eat.
The marriage of horror and the supernatural with other forms of storytelling is nothing new. Action-horror crossovers are frequent, whereas detective fiction featuring occult mysteries is a booming genre. I love this stuff because it’s a myriad of my favourite things, but the creatures and spooks still tend to entail the aforementioned characteristics.
You’re all familiar with the Bigfoot legend, and I’m sure most people who read this site are familiar with the Rambo series. They’re both super cool and awesome, right? Well imagine this: a Bigfoot movie in the style of Rambo where our favourite sasquatch is being hunted by fuck boys and packing guns and grenades and shit. Or why not spice things up and make it that Bigfoot is a creature who goes on missions on behalf of the military?
Often in horror, ghosts and spirits haunt the living because they have unfinished business here on earth. You know who else has unfinished business? Dead gangsters, that’s who. Why not have them refuse to pass on to the other side because they’d rather use their ghostly abilities to reclaim the criminal underworld? Better yet: Make them undead zombie-like sentiment beings with highly ambitious criminal aspirations. That would be so cool.
Just because something isn’t human, that doesn’t mean it can’t be just as greedy and ambitious as a human. Heist movies are the best, but having monsters band together to carry out bank jobs would be even better. Maybe they could be employed by a regular criminal in exchange for currency that appeals to their monstrous natures, sure. All I know is this: monsters robbing banks would be cooler than humans doing it.
Personally, I’ve always wanted to see the Dracula movie that explores how he maintains enough wealth to own a castle. If I had my way, there’d be a movie where the Count leads a group of vampires on a robbing spree. Other vampires still have to pay rent or buy property to hang out in when the sun is up, and it’s hardly like they’re in any position to get real jobs. I doubt the Theresa May or Trump administrations would give them helping handouts.
There’s a lot you could do with monsters. Why not make werewolves contract killers so their curse has gainful purpose to the human behind the fur? Make undead ninjas espionage agents and assassins for the government. Movies and TV shows like The Hidden, Dead Heat, Innocent Blood and Special Unit 2, Yakuza Apocalypse, and Wolfcop have flirted with similar ideas, but I’d love to see it done more often — and not always with a tongue-In-cheek, comedic tone either. Make this shit serious.
Am I being silly? Perhaps. But tell me you wouldn’t love to see a movie about shape-shifting Yakuza members.